Oneness vs Codependency

We know that Jesus prayed (in John 17) that we would all become aware of our oneness with God and with one another. What does that mean?

In our humanity, we tend to be very codependent people. We need others; and we need for others to need us. This gives us a perverted sense of security. I can never be alone if I am needed by another. Most all of our institutions (medical, political, religious) are based on this concept. Have a look at all the advertisements —they are all designed to convince us of our need for someone or something outside ourselves. We need what the medical profession has to offer to keep our bodies going. We need what the government offers to support ourselves, and we need what religion offers to assure ourselves that we won’t go to hell when we die. And it is because we feel that we have these needs that these institutions are able to control us.

When we read the prayer of Jesus in John 17, hearing Him say

John 17:23  I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.

we can so easily think that our dependency upon one another is justified.

But, in reality, we know from other Scriptures that Jesus was saying just the opposite. When I become aware of my oneness with God, I will know that He alone is my all-sufficiency. Rather than attaching myself to those around me, I must specifically DETACH —as Jesus did from His mother and even from His disciples.

Mark 3:33-35

And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren? And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.

Luke 14:26 )

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

John 16:32

Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.

When I understand that I am one with my brothers and sisters, I will know that I must not judge and criticize them; for, in so doing, I am judging and criticizing myself —because they are myself since, in our true identity, we are all one. We are just different expressions of that One —which is the Christ, the image of God.

In the recognition of my oneness with God and with His offspring, Jesus’ prayer is being answered; and I will find that I can enjoy the many expressions of the Christ without any longer depending upon them for my sense of well-being. And I will not allow them to depend upon me either. I will not take responsibility for their lives; nor will I give them responsibility for mine —because I now know that none of us live any longer. It is the Christ that is living Its life in each of us.

Galatians 2:20  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

And the Christ doesn’t need any help from my humanity. I have now lost my human life and found the only life that there is —the Life of God expressing Itself as me.

Matthew 16:25  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

As this becomes a reality to me, it is imperative that I follow the leading of the Spirit inside, whatever the cost to those around me. And it is equally imperative that I allow them that same freedom. Attempting to control another or allowing myself to be controlled by another simply must cease altogether.

This doesn’t mean that I do what I (my flesh or humanity) desires, becoming a completely selfish person. On the contrary, the Holy Spirit will often direct me to lay down my life for my friends (John 15:13). The big difference is that I do it because I want to, not because someone is manipulating me into doing it. There are countless way this manipulation is attempted —tears, pouting, threatening to leave, telling me I’m not a good Christian or family member, etc., etc.

We oftentimes will submit to these manipulative tactics because we are so afraid of rejection. When I know that God is my all-sufficiency, then, and only then, can I afford the risk.

Now those who have not yet awakened to their true identity will not understand why you are no longer playing the manipulation and control game that we, too, used to think was the only way of relating. That’s what we learned from all the movies and novels, not to mention family members and church leaders. And they even had Scriptures to reinforce this most unhealthy lifestyle.

So be prepared to receive the same denunciation and rejection that Jesus received. And, like Jesus, you will just say, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34). They really don’t. They are just blinded, as we were, by their feelings of separation from the Father who begot them out of Himself and loved them so much that He gave Himself to be them. And they are trying to get from us the feelings of security which come only from knowing their oneness with God.

Jesus was the Word made flesh; now it is we who are manifesting God to those around us.

To read of a practical application of this contemplation, see Boundaries.