Yesterday I hosted my first Bible study since 1999. Since that time, I feel that God has given me many revelations that I have articulated in writing and posted on this website. Just recently I have been doing even more writing as I feel God is opening my spiritual eyes and ears to better understand how we are to read and interpret Scripture. I have been working on many contemplations at once as I was attempting to write down everything God was showing me.
Although there were only four of us meeting together, I spent a couple days seeking God as to how to proceed. There was so much that I wanted to share it was difficult to know where to begin. I kept jotting down what God had shown me about one thing and then be reminded of what I had seen concerning something else.
We had a wonderful time of sharing that lasted over three hours. We began with the original creation as recorded in Genesis 1 and let the discussion go wherever it took us. We talked about the seeming contradictions in Scripture, about our heartache over our children who don’t seem excited about their relationship to God, about how we might have contributed to their apathy by our own misunderstanding, about our individual hunger to know the “true God” that Jesus prayed we would know and of our desire to help others to know Him. So many Scriptures came into my mind that I was able to share as we sought answers to our concerns. We all felt blessed to come together like this and seek to know God together.
After everyone left I took a short nap, watched the movie “The Secret Garden” with my husband, and returned to “listening” as God continued to enlighten my understanding of Scripture.
But as the night wore on and I felt fatigue in my body and attempted to go to sleep, I could not stop my mind. Whether asleep or awake, I found myself thinking on Scriptures, how they were connected and what they might be saying. As I grew more and more fatigued and became nervous in my body, I was quite sure this was not what Scripture meant when we are told to meditate on the Word day and night, not letting it depart from our heart or mouth. I felt rather that I was suffering from some “disorder” in my mind. I knew I couldn’t help myself, that I couldn’t make it go away, so I surrendered myself in all my helplessness to God, knowing that if He didn’t do something I would just remain in the “fix” I was in.
Then I heard the still, small voice telling me two things at the same time. One was that I was still operating “under the law” when I believed that I had to continually read and meditate on Scripture and immediately write down everything the Holy Spirit showed me or run the risk of losing it. Now it was not God’s free gift, but rather what I was doing that enabled me to receive.
Inextricably connected to that was that I didn’t really believe that I was one with God if I ran the risk of “losing” what He revealed to me. I cannot lose what I am. Because I am one with God, I know all things and don’t have to do anything to get from myself what I am. God is “myself” and all that He has is mine for the receiving, as it was for the prodigal son and his brother. I don’t have to do anything to “make” myself worthy of receiving what God has freely given.
I trust that this latest revelation will enable me to relax and receive whatever is needed to fulfill God’s call in my life, that I will never again forget that His “yoke is easy” and His “burden is light” (Matthew 11:30), that I will just open my mouth and allow God to fill it (Psalm 81:10) whenever I am called upon to write or teach.